The proper way to have an abortion.

Abortion is the widely-practiced pastime of killing babies. The very gay neo-conservatives believe that abortions = murder. However, they are wrong. Because the last time I stepped on a baby, I asked it, "Do you feel pain?" and the baby did not respond. I have done this almost twenty-three times now, and not once has the baby responded. This is clear evidence that abortions are not murder and do not cause any harm to the baby. Babies, simply, have no feelings.

I mean, do you remember being in your mommy's tummy? Of course not, you were not a being yet, you were just a little squishy thing.

Methods of Abortion

Traditional Method

This is the safest, and best and easiest method of getting an abortion done. Okay, first you tell someone to plug a controller in. Then, you go to the character selection screen. Select Captain Falcon: make SURE that they are not CPU player! Tell your someone to press B really hard, that way the Abortion Punch will be more effective. If you have twins, make sure to tell the person to do <- + B or -> + B following the Abortion Punch, as this will take care of any extra fetuses.

Giller Method

This is also a very effective method, however, it requires that you end your own life as well. This will ensure that the fetus does not escape, though, so no worries.

There are numerous ways to Kurt-Cobain yourself. To see all, please go to the article suicide.

Close-Hanger Method

This kinda hurts, well, I don't really know since I'm not a girl and have never had an abortion before, but it looks like it hurts. Okay, so go in your closet and find one of those metal close hangers; the plastic ones will NOT work. Okay, now... um. I actually don't know how this works. I think you're supposed to swallow it. Yeah, you swallow it, I think that will kill the baby.

Shotgun Method

Take a shotgun and shoot your pregnant girlfriend.

Instructional Abortion Videos

Many young women do it wrong when it comes to their first abortion. This video will demonstrate exactly how to have a quick and painless abortion following Method #1. 350px|left|Watch and learn, ladies.