What O'Reilly looks like 99% of the time.

Papa Bear O'Reilly, or more commonly known to the public as Smiley O'Reilly, is a television talk-show host for Faux News. He is mostly recognized for his scandalous love affair with fellow conservative political commentator, and child rapist and murderer, Glenn Beck.


Billy was born September 10th, 1949 in a small cave somewhere in Canada, during the winter while his parents were hibernating. It was a real mess since his mom was sleeping at the time of his birth and didn't even notice a cub come out of her. She was really irresponsible, she should have had an abortion. Contrary to popular belief, O'Wiley is not actually Amurikan.
Little bear

Young O'Reilly as a cub, with Glenn Beck and Dick Cheney, after raping a victim.

Tragedy struck the O'Reilly's when on November 5th, 1958, both of O'Reilly's parents were mutilated by none other than Gandhi the fucking BEARKILLER. One day, while Billo and his mama and papa were out looking for fish to ra-to eat, Mohand' jumped from a high tree shrieking his battle-cry, that of the Devoted Transcendental Tribe of Bear, and proceeded with jabbing his thumbs into Mama and Papa's eyes and shredding their faces with his teeth. O'Reilly, being a professional swimmer, narrowly escaped by paddling down the river.

By the time the river had finished, O'Reilly had made his way to the land of the free. That's right, America! He landed in New York, where a man picked him up, interested in making money from the bear. This man's name was Walt Disney. Walt took Bill to work with him at the circus, where his Cuban parents were the guys who walked on the tightrope. Walt tried to force Bill to jump on the trampoline, but Bill refused and took a bite out of Walt's left arm, and Walt was left in a coma for a couple of years. He later became the founder of a very successful pornographic film studio.

Billo escaped the circus and made his way to the tallest building of New York City, a building called the Empire State Building. There he met a guy called Fox and together, they created the most powerful and successful bullshit television news channel of all time. Billo even got his own show.

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